Dear Old Friend,
Today I am placing special emphasis on that word “old”. As you know, the day before my birthday was
my last day of work, making Retirement, as I told everyone, one of the best
birthday presents I have ever received! The
decision to take that momentous step led me to do a lot of reflecting. I remember wondering, not so many years ago,
what retirement must feel like. Did retirees really look at it as a new beginning; or, did they secretly view
retirement in the same way that the rest of us who weren’t there yet perceived
it, as the beginning of the End?
I recently read a Facebook post from one of our high school
friends. He told of an occasion where he
was leaving a store at the same time a father and his young daughter were
coming in. The father told the little
girl to, “Let the old man out first”.
After looking around and finally realizing with a jolt that he was the
“old man” being referenced, our friend said he decided to go home and write his
obituary.
I laughed when I read his post, but I know what he meant. I have concluded that no one ever considers
himself to be old, in the same sense that “old” is thought of by the young. We may
feel sick or experience pain, but it is just that; not “old”. Perhaps the closest we come is the
realization that others now view us in the same way we once viewed our parents’
generation; but, we finally see that we were mistaken. We now understand that, inside, we are all,
always, our same ageless selves. “Old” is
a misperception of those on the outside.
The thing is, we are all on the outside of each other’s
lives. We can only relate to each other
through the lens of our perceptions which form our opinions of what we believe
to be true about each other; and, these opinions may bear little or no
resemblance to the actual truth. We only
have a dim understanding of ourselves at any given point in time, so it is no
wonder that we are unable to correctly perceive those around us.
I became aware of
this when I was very young. I was
certainly unable to read or write at the time, but I remember telling my mother
that I wanted to write a book explaining to parents what it was like to
be a child. My mother laughed and said that
all parents had once been children, so they already understood. But I knew that, while they might have once
been children, they had all forgotten how it felt to be a child with parents
ruling over them. I wish I had been able
to write that book. I think it might
have helped me to be a better parent.
The only time I actually was a really good parent was before I had
children. I had firm ideas of what good
parenting was supposed to look like. I
knew what I would expect from my children, and what I would and would not
accept as far as their behavior was concerned.
I was also quite clear on where other parents had failed, and therefore
I knew what mistakes I was not going to make.
That confidence came from viewing parenthood from the outside. Once I was on the inside, however, I
discovered that I knew absolutely nothing.
Every single thing I carried in from the outside immediately turned to
dust. No amount of observation, reading or research
had prepared me for what life on the inside of parenting was really like.
The same thing is true on an interpersonal level. No matter how I try to explain to another
human being what it is like to be me on the inside, and no matter how much that
other human being might want to understand, at the end of the day, they cannot
truly know me, because they are and always will be on the outside.
While there is nothing wrong with our attempting
to explain or struggling to understand, because every small degree of awareness
of another’s life is precious, the fact remains that we will never be able to fully
comprehend what it is like to be someone else. I am sure I am not the only one
who has spent many years of my life longing to find that one person who will
finally, truly know me, only to be disillusioned and disappointed each time when
I discovered that was not the case.
Philosophers have spoken of the need to face our “Existential
Loneliness” as an unavoidable condition of our humanity; the essence of being
human. We are each alone, on the
inside. But Scripture tells us of a God
who refused to be on the outside, and chose to become flesh and dwell among us (John
1:14) And then, because of what Christ
accomplished for us on the cross, his Spirit now comes and lives inside of us.
(1 Corinthians 6:19; Colossians 1:27; 1 John 4:15)
Did you catch that? We, as believers in Christ, are not alone on
the inside. There is someone who does
know us, fully and completely; who understands all of our experiences, our
fears and failures; who knows us better than we know ourselves and loves us
with an everlasting love. He is the one
we have longed for and searched for our whole lives, and we will never find
ourselves disillusioned or disappointed with him, because he knows us from the
inside out.
He is the one who remembers what it is like to be a child with
parents ruling over you, he is the one who anticipated the inexplicable fierce
love you would feel when you saw your baby for the first time, he is the one who understood the helplessness you experienced when you realized you did not have a clue
about how to be a parent, he is the one who has always been with you, even to
your old age and gray hairs. (Psalm 71:18)
He is the one who truly knows that “old” really is just a misperception
of those on the outside, and that you are still, and always, your ageless self
on the inside. He is the one from whom even
death cannot separate you. (Romans
8:38-39) He is the one who has said he
will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5); and he is the one who
promises that one day you will know him as fully as he has always known you. (1
Corinthians 13:12)
Isn't it incredibly comforting to realize that there is someone who completely understands us, especially at this point in our journey!
I am so looking
forward to spending more time with you now that I’m retired!
Love Always,
Bonnie
