I Love How You Love Me

Dear Old Friend,

We began this New Year with a gaping hole in our hearts.  Our beloved dog, Quiz, developed serious health issues and, despite our best efforts, he declined to the point that we felt it was cruel to allow him to suffer any further.  As you know, I’ve lost many loved ones over the years, so I know grief, and I can tell you, death is death and grief is grief.  If you genuinely loved a pet, the grief you feel is real and deep.

We knew from the moment we found him that Quiz was God’s gift to us.  We initially believed that we rescued him, but we soon came to see it was the other way around.  Our mutual quirks and eccentricities fit together like a hand and glove.  We were made for each other.

When you and I were growing up, there was a song called I Love How You Love Me.  I’ve concluded that song title is spot on.  What we all long for is to find a love where those words are true.

In an earlier letter I wrote to you about meeting Quiz for the first time.  He had been abandoned as a puppy and wandered the streets, trying to survive.  All he wanted was to be loved; but, he didn’t think it would ever happen.  For awhile after he came to live with us he still wasn’t too sure; but once he finally believed we loved him, he melted.  The difference was dramatic!

He wanted nothing more than to be with us.  When we had been out and returned home, he wagged his entire body in greeting.  He was a snuggler, and loved to nuzzle his head into us.  When we were together in the living room he liked to sleep with part of his body touching one of us, preferably lying on our feet.  If either my husband or I were upset, he always sensed it and came to bring us comfort.  Our love for Quiz transformed him, and his love for us did the same.

Knowing that you are truly loved changes you!  Of course that makes me think about God.  He knows that we creatures are like that, because he created us to be that way.  The original idea was that humans would always feel God’s love and we would respond in kind.  The cycle of reciprocated love was intended to be lavish and uninterrupted.

But sin messed everything up until we came to the point where we believed God could not possibly love us.  We thought that he saw us as unworthy and unlovable; but the fact is that his love for us had never changed.  He loved us so much that he sent Jesus to show us that love, and then he sent the Holy Spirit to continually remind us of that love until we truly believe it. 

Fully and finally allowing ourselves to believe and accept God’s deep, unconditional love for us—to love how he loves us—transforms us in the same way Quiz's acceptance of our love transformed him.  As Romans 8:38-39 says, not even death can separate us from that love.

I find comfort in that.

Love Always,

Bonnie

Grace-Filled Resolutions

 

 

Dear Old Friend,

I hope your Christmas was filled with family, love and laughter!  My husband and I celebrated on Christmas Eve, since he had to work Christmas Day.  We had a good dinner and then watched Christmas movies together. 

I got up before dawn Christmas Day, loaded my car with presents and headed to my son’s house so that I would arrive before the kids woke up and started the gift opening frenzy.  As it turned out, it was an hour and a half after I got there before they woke up!  The first one up was Granddad, then Nana dragged herself out of bed, after staying up until 3:00 a.m. wrapping presents; so, it was the grandparents who sat around chatting and drinking coffee waiting for the children and parents! Who would have thought?

The day was delightful; lots of games to enjoy with my precious grandchildren, many toys to assemble and video games to be played; and the festivities ended with a scrumptious Christmas dinner. A blessed family time!

Now, with Christmas behind me, I am looking ahead to the New Year.  I don’t know how you feel about New Year’s Resolutions, but I have decided to put an end to the annual cycle of determination and failure.  Last year I came up with a once-and-for-all list that I think of as my “Grace-filled Resolutions”.  I wanted to share them with you:

1.        Fearlessly cultivate an awareness of your daily sinfulness.  Be brutally honest about your pride, judgment of others, unkind thoughts and words, short-temperedness, impatience, selfishness, self-righteousness, greed, self-pity, lack of faith, lack of trust, irreverence, etc.

2.       Boldly go to God with that painful awareness, with no excuses or false promises to change, and humbly thank him for loving and forgiving you unconditionally every single day because of Jesus’ sacrifice which covers it all, even though you deserve nothing but his condemnation and wrath.  Then gratefully bask in his love.

3.       When you find yourself wanting to treat others the way “they deserve”, remember what you deserve and how God loves and forgives you over and over again, and respond accordingly.

4.       When you fail at #3, and you will, repeat #2; for the rest of your life.

No matter what the New Year holds, I can face it with the peace that comes only from knowing and accepting God’s matchless gift of grace.

My prayer, dear friend, is that you, too, will know that peace!

Love Always,

Bonnie

Let it Go?

Dear Old Friend,

My daughter sent me a quote which her pastor posted this week: “The type of Christian you are depends on the Christ you believe in.” She loved it and so do I; but, due to the time of year, I have given it a holiday twist: “The type of Christmas you have depends on the Christ you believe in.”

I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to hand Christmas back to the pagans from whence it came.  Apparently the Pope changed the festival of Saturnalia, which was held between December 17 and 23 and incorporated the winter solstice, to Christ Mass, because he thought it was preferable to replace the popular celebration with something Christian rather than attempt to do away with it altogether. 

I’m not one of those people who object to Christmas on the basis of its pagan roots; but, I’m fast becoming one of those people who object to Christmas because, on the whole, it has nothing to do with the Christ I believe in.

Practically everyone I know has, by now, overextended themselves financially, physically and emotionally.  The exhaustion and stress have taken their toll.  The goal seems to be trying to prove our love, goodness and worthiness by what we do during this one season and  what we give on this one day of the year.  

Expectations are being worn on sleeves everywhere. Hearts are waiting to be crushed; hopes dashed; relationships ruined.  Will we feel loved or unloved when we see what we have been given?  Will what we give to others be enough? Will our offerings be accepted or deemed contemptible?  The pressure not to fail is intense.

Many people believe in a Christ who is waiting to see what they have to offer him. He is a lot like Santa in the song Santa Claus is Coming to Town. They think he is watching them when they are sleeping and when they are awake to see whether or not they are measuring up, and they know they had better watch out!  The type of Christmas I described above accurately reflects the Christ they believe in.

 

The Christ I believe in was sent to this earth specifically so that we would never have to worry about measuring up again.  God saw our desperate need to be loved and accepted and he understood our deep sense of unworthiness.  In his mercy, he sent his son to our world to be for us what we could not be; to give what we could not give; and to love us with a love which can never be taken away.  Christ met every expectation on our behalf.  We have nothing left to prove. I want a Christmas like that!

But Christmas seems to have become the antithesis of that and I wonder if there’s any way to turn things around?  I’m afraid it’s too far gone.  Should we just agree to call it Winter Festival, and let it go?  

Many biblical scholars believe Christ was actually born around the Feast of Tabernacles in autumn; some say it was in the spring. Maybe we could choose a new date and just start over, making the celebration of the birth of our Savior one which has nothing to do with trying to prove anything to anyone.  Maybe its hallmark could be forgiveness and reconciliation instead.

But, because we are human and so badly in need of a Savior,  we would most likely distort that day, too, wouldn't we? I guess I'll just pray for grace to make this Christmas reflect the Christ I believe in.

Blessed Christmas, my friend!

Love Always,

Bonnie

The Creche and the Cross

Dear Old Friend,

I put up my Christmas yard decoration this past weekend. 

 

My husband made it years ago, to my specifications, and I love it because I think it tells the whole story.  As I was dragging it out of the garage this year, I thought about how we usually get the story wrong.  Humanity’s situation was so desperate that the Creator of the Universe Himself had to come and save us!  Unfortunately, we humans have typically misjudged the nature of our problem and have looked for a different kind of savior to meet different needs than what God had in mind.

That reminded me of an experience I had with my grandson this summer.  My son had to cut his grass and asked me if I could come down and keep his four year old occupied while he got the job done.  I was delighted, of course!  We played happily, until we began a game of Go Fish.  My grandson had very definite ideas of how the game should be played, and his plan involved me letting him win, primarily by allowing him to cheat. When I didn’t agree to his plan, he got quite upset and announced that he was not going to play with me anymore; then he hit me!  When I told him in no uncertain terms that hitting me was unacceptable, he decided he would take this matter to his father. 

In my grandson’s mind, he was going to tell on me and I would be in trouble.  He misjudged the situation.  He thought he had one issue, but his father saw a bigger picture, and addressed a different problem, the need to respect Grammie. The sad four-year-old was sent to Time Out to ponder the fact that the trouble wasn’t outside of him, it was within.

Around the time of Jesus’ birth, the Jews were calling out to their Father, telling him of their tribulations under the Romans.  Their expectation was that he would hear their cry and the Romans would be in trouble.  But God saw the bigger picture and addressed the deeper need; not someone to save them from the Romans, but someone to save them from themselves. 

We all turn to God with our felt needs: More money, better health, a nicer spouse, obedient children; and he reminds us that he has always had the bigger picture in mind, and that our true need could not be met simply by teaching us important moral lessons or rescuing us from our enemies or by giving us the things we believe we need to make us happy. 

He knew all along that our real need was for God himself to come and enter an earthly mother’s womb; then, to be born and to perfectly live an entire human life; and to die a human death, so that his perfect life and death could be credited to us. To speak only of sweet Baby Jesus in a manger presents a disjointed story which can keep us from seeing the bigger picture. Because of our great need, God, our creator, had to be born, live and die so that we could be reborn, into the family of God.  That’s the complete story of Christmas.

I never get tired of that story!

Love Always,

Bonnie

Sorry Isn't Good Enough

 

Dear Old Friend,

As you are well aware, there are many wonderful things about being a grandparent! One thing, which I might not call "wonderful", but perhaps "interesting", is that I have gained a perspective which comes only after getting some distance from the all- consuming process of taming your children to a point where you can safely release them into polite society without suffering total humiliation. 

This grandmotherly perspective has given me the ability to watch with a measure of objectivity as some of my own questionable parenting choices are passed down from my children to my grandchildren.  For example, I listened as one of my exasperated children repeated something to my grandchild which I had said many times.  The statement was made after my grandson (I can say that without implicating anyone, since all of my grandchildren are boys!) said he was sorry for doing the exact same thing he had done countless times before; several times that very day. His frustrated parent told him, “Saying you’re sorry isn’t good enough! If you were really sorry you would stop doing it!”

In that instant I had two flashes of insight.  I realized the falsehood of one part of that statement, and the deeper truth of the other.  I will start with the falsehood:  “If you were really sorry, you would stop doing it”.  

How many, many times have I done something I knew was wrong, and told God I was sorry?  And, when I told him that, I meant every word!  Often I was desperately sorry, and vowed never to repeat that deed or say those words, or think those thoughts again.  But, I did.  Most of them more times than I can count!  God knew the sincerity of my confession; but he also understood my inability to follow through on the vow.  No matter how many times I came to him with the same sad “I’m sorry”, even in the same day, he accepted my remorse and forgave me. The same thing is true for us all!

As for the deeper truth:  “Saying you’re sorry isn’t good enough”; in light of what I just said about God forgiving me over and over and over again, that sentence appears, at first glance, to be false.  But I was struck with the sudden realization that, if “sorry” truly had been good enough, Adam and Eve could just have said it and that would have been that. 

The truth, from before the foundation of the world, is that “sorry” was not enough.  Wrong had to be treated as wrong.  There had to be consequences for the bad things that were done in order for justice to exist in our world. No one would want a world without justice, where anyone could do anything to someone else with no fear of punishment.  Someone had to suffer the consequences of the wrongs which were committed.

So, God sent Jesus, his innocent son, to our world; born of a virgin, laid in a manger.  And he lived a perfect life and died a sinner’s death, in our place; so that, only because of him, when we say we are sorry over and over again, it is now truly enough.

I wish I had understood that better when my kids were little! Maybe if I share this with them now they will be  able to be more gracious to themselves and to their children than I was.

Love Always,

Bonnie