Dear Old Friend,
I have been anxious about many things this week, in direct opposition to what scripture says I should do. Worry and I go way back.
I have probably always equated worry with
caring. If I care about someone and I
become aware of an issue which has the potential to threaten their safety or
happiness, it would seem uncaring of me not to worry, so I label it “concern”; but because it definitely involves elements of fear and dread, it’s really just worry. And then, of course, I worry about my own safety and happiness, and there's no euphemism for that. I'm a worrier.
The good thing about it, I reason, is that my worry leads me
to pray. I acknowledge before God my
helplessness to control or alter the threatening circumstances, and I ask for
God’s intervention on behalf of myself and/or those I love.
But, always, in the back of my mind, I hear this nagging voice telling
me that worry is a sin and that if I truly believed and had faith in God and
his sovereignty I wouldn’t have that gut-wrenching, heart palpitating fear I’m
experiencing. In other words, I’m caught between thinking that worry is the
evidence of my caring, as well as the evidence of my lack of faith. This dilemma generates more worry and more
guilt; and on and on it goes.
This week, however, I had a new insight. I went back and
reread the passages in scripture which speak so clearly about worry, Matthew
6:25-34 and Philippians 4:6-7. Both of
those scriptures use the words “Do not”: “Do not be anxious”, “Do not worry”. My law oriented mind has always heard those
words as a command, and therefore I could not help but see my worry as a
disobedience of the command, which then resulted in feelings of guilt.
But this time, I read those words, not as law, but as grace;
as words of reassurance just like those I have spoken to my own children when I told them not to worry because they were afraid of the dark, or of a new school, or were worried that no one
would ever love them, or that they couldn’t handle their lives. This time I read those words not as a rule to
be followed, but as God's comfort and encouragement given so that we could face the
struggles which life will inevitably bring.
Were there times when I got exasperated with my children because of
their continued anxiety in the face of my reassurances? Sure; but, thankfully, God is not like me!
God knows that life on this planet will throw seemingly
endless troubling circumstances our way; things which will cause us, in our
humanity, to be anxious and fearful; and he isn’t standing with his arms
crossed and his foot tapping in agitation over the fact that we have once more
disappointed him by our lack of faith. Because
of Jesus’ perfect righteousness credited to us, we do not stand before him
condemned by the Law of Do Not Worry. Instead,
he speaks softly to us with soothing words of hope and assurance; words of
grace: Don’t be afraid, I am with you, I will take care of you even through the
terrible times, I love you, and I always will.
What a relief to cross worry off the list of things I have
to worry about!
Love Always,
Bonnie
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