I learned something this week about how the compelling power
of the love of Christ works (See 2 Corinthians 5:14-15).
I’ve been going through a lot of work drama over the past
couple of weeks. In my company there is
a nearby office which has been understaffed off and on for more than a year
now, due to marriages, babies and people moving out of the area. The manager of
that office and I have been friends for years and whenever she needed help she
called on me, and my staff has been willing on many occasions to work things out
so that the needs of her office were covered.
In early November of last year, my part-time associate gave
notice, so I began a difficult search for a replacement which lasted a couple
of months. Several of my candidates
chose other positions after I had made the job offer to them; one actually
accepted the job and had been given her work schedule and start date, but suddenly
stopped returning my calls and finally emailed me that she had decided to work
elsewhere. Finally I hired someone who
seemed as excited to work with us as we were with her.
She started the first of January. Then, at the end of the month, when she was
trained and able to handle shifts on her own, the manager of the other office
called and the new employee answered the phone. There are conflicting stories
as to how the subject came up, but in the end, the manager asked my employee if
she was interested in the full time position she had open, and, even though my
newly hired associate seemed to feel uncomfortable about it, she told the other
manager that she would be interested in interviewing for that position.
I was appalled and felt betrayed by everyone. I was shocked that the other manager would
try to poach my associate immediately after I had done all the work to get her
hired and trained. I was surprised that
the newly hired worker, who knew of the struggles I had finding someone, would
so readily jump ship. And I couldn’t
understand why my company had no policy in place with a specified period of
time before a worker could transfer to another position, allowing the ones who
had done all the work of getting someone hired and trained to reap some of the
benefits of their labor.
I took it quite personally, and I alternated between being
angry and depressed. I walked around my
house and office muttering about selfishness and disloyalty; I self-righteously
remembered all of the times I had helped this person, whom I had thought of as
a friend, and vowed to never make that mistake again.
When the other manager called me to talk about the situation,
I told her that, if she was looking for my blessing she wasn’t going to get it,
and I let her know how upset and disappointed I was, intentionally piling on
the guilt. She told me that she actually
had another candidate she interviewed first and really liked, but that she now
felt somewhat obligated to hire my associate, since she would then be giving
the opportunity to someone within the company who had expressed interest in the
position, instead of bringing in someone from the outside. At that point I enlisted the help of my boss to try and convince her that she was under no obligation to hire my
employee if there was someone else she preferred.
The thing is, the whole time I was ranting and raving and
working myself up into a frenzy, and trying to manipulate the situation by using guilt and whatever other weapons I could muster, in the background I could hear everything I know about grace playing over and over in my head. In the past I would have heard a “law tape”
playing, and I would have felt guilty; but, I promise you, this was different.
I heard things like, “Think about all of the selfish and
disloyal things you do daily to God, and how he doesn’t condemn you or turn his
back on you or swear that he will never help you again. Because of his Son, he loves you and forgives
you over and over no matter how often you betray him”; and, “If you know that everything you need you
already possess in Christ, then you are free to let this go, even if it means
you have to start the whole hiring process over again. You are free to continue
to care about your long time friend, and not hold a grudge against your associate
who was simply happy for an opportunity to make more money. You can trust that God isn’t surprised by
this situation and will walk through it with you, no matter what the
outcome. You are free to love, because
you know what it feels like to be loved even when you don’t deserve it.
I can’t say that I had
completely surrendered to the voice of grace in my head before my phone rang this afternoon, but I was almost there. The call was from the office manager telling me she had decided to go with the other candidate
she liked. She then said she might
actually be able to work things out so that my employee could get some extra
hours on a fairly regular basis, which might supplement her income enough to
keep her happy even though she didn’t get the full-time job. I was very relieved, to say the least!
Even though I had not handled the situation with grace, I was able to recognize the process of compelling love, and
how it works in us to change our hearts and minds. I can see now that the more I allow the truth to
sink deeply into my heart--of how completely I am loved, not because of how
well I do, or even whether I do, the right things, but because Christ did the right
things on my behalf--the more I will be compelled to share that same kind of
love with others.
I might be glacially slow at “getting” this, but I’m
encouraged to see the process at work in my heart. Maybe someday I'll actually be able to lead with grace instead of getting around to it after awhile. Thankfully, God loves me regardless!
Love Always,
Bonnie
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