Just Christ and Him Crucified

Dear Old Friend,

I haven’t written to you in a long time.  I regret that for a number of reasons, but mostly because, in losing touch with you I’m pretty sure I lost touch with “the basics”.  I’ve been very busy lately trying to understand things.  I’m certainly not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting to have a deeper understanding of spiritual truths, but I have found that there is a pit on that path into which you can fall; and right now I feel like I’m sitting in the bottom of that pit, too tired to climb back out.

My brain hurts.  I feel battle-weary and confused.  I’m not always the fastest or the brightest, but even I know this doesn’t feel like Good News.  I’ve been listening to lots of opinions as to what makes up that News, and there are almost as many different opinions as there are people as to what should or should not be included under that banner. 

Is there such a thing as grace on the ground? Should we as Christians constantly be striving, albeit poorly, to offer to others the same love, mercy and forgiveness we have been given; and, if we should, is there a limit? And, if there is, what would that limit look like? Or, is that strictly just my Old Adam trying to get some skin in the game? Should I think at all in terms of desiring to please God with my life, or is that a completely false way of thinking, because he is already well-pleased with me because of Christ?

If I feel good and happy when I have been given an opportunity to minister to someone, is that the Holy Spirit, or is that just me pridefully trying to take the credit which belongs to God alone?

If I think that Scripture seems to take for granted that Christians will be baptized and take communion, does that mean that I am adding something to salvation by grace alone, through faith alone in the finished work of Christ alone? 

Does “sanctification” mean to become more and more and more holy?  Can there actually be such a thing as “more” holy?  And, if there is, does it have anything to do with my improving moral behavior?

Does the fact that I want to be loved and accepted and try to act in ways which will bring about that result necessarily mean that I am wearing a mask?  And, is the answer, instead, for me to be totally vulnerable to other fallible human beings who “should” respect me for it and then let down their guard in return, but who are much more likely to never quite look me in the eye again?

You know what?  I don’t know!  On any given day I might just give you a different answer to any of the questions above, and probably not even realize it.  It’s even quite likely that I have given different answers to those questions on the same day; maybe even in the same conversation.  And, I am just about as certain that is true of everyone I have been listening to as well.

Are these important questions? Yes.  Are there absolute answers to those questions?  Maybe.  Probably. Do I know of anyone who knows all of the answers?  Besides God, no.  There might be, but at this point I am not aware of just who that person or group is; and, at this moment, I am tired of trying to figure it out.

At this moment, I just need to know that Jesus loves me, despite the fact that I might not have every jot and tittle of my theology figured out.  I need to know that his love for me is no more dependent on my total grasp of grace than it was on my total obedience to the law.  I need to have God “restore unto me the joy of my salvation.”  I want to stop worrying about getting it right and rest in my Savior’s arms.  For right now I’m deciding to know nothing but “Jesus Christ and him crucified.”

And I just wanted to say that to someone who loves me as I am.  Thank you for being that someone for me.

Love Always,

Bonnie