What Do I Do? What Do I Do?

Dear Old Friend,

Do you think there are situations where it would actually be wrong to “lead” with grace?  I’ve been pondering lots of questions this week.  If someone has gone off the deep end and done something which people would typically consider to be very bad; something which brought pain to you or harmed those you love; could it be detrimental to jump right in and tell them you forgive them, and talk to them about God’s love, mercy and grace, without first attempting to determine whether they were crushed by what they had done, or merely sorry that they were caught?

Is it possible that, by offering grace to someone who isn’t truly sorry, we might short circuit a necessary process and therefore keep that person from experiencing a need for forgiveness? Should sorrow for one’s actions always be a prerequisite to offering forgiveness?

Was Jesus’ dying request for his Father to forgive his murderers, who were definitely not sorry for what they were yet in the process of doing, meant to be peculiar only to a Savior? Was his admonition, to turn the other cheek when one was struck and to give more to the thief than what was intentionally stolen, just a metaphor to demonstrate the impossibility of reaching that standard? Or was it also a call to love as radically as we have been loved?  

What about loving our enemies in light of the fact that Christ died for us while we were still his unrepentant enemies? Again, is that only Jesus fulfilling on my behalf what I can never do, or is it something his Spirit urges me to imitate, albeit poorly?

Could concern for a perpetrator be construed as demonstrating a lack of concern for the ones who were hurt by his/her actions? Should that be taken into consideration before reaching out? Are there times when we should take sides, and not reach out to “the other side”?

What if I am the one who has been hurt: how far should I be willing to go in loving and forgiving my enemies, or those who have treated me badly?  Do I repeatedly put myself back in harm’s way? Is there a line that can/should be drawn? Do I need to be concerned about the opinion of others as to how I answer that question for myself?

All of these questions have been rolling around in my brain.  They don’t have easy answers.  I am certain that across my life I have erred on all sides of these issues.  What I feel God has said to me, as I wrestled with my thoughts this week, is that I am free to err as I muddle through each and every situation I find myself facing.  I am free to do what I think is best, and free to change my mind about what is best, and free to be confused.  I am assured through it all that I am, thankfully, not the one who is in control of anything, and that the God who is in control, and who loves everyone involved and works for their best through any and all circumstances, is big enough and powerful enough to work all things to his glory, whether it’s through me or in spite of me.  There is, in other words, no way that I can trip God up by doing the wrong thing. He’s got it. He’s got it. He’s got it.

I Thank God that He’s got it!

Love always,

Bonnie